I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
