the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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