i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
