easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
