the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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