im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
