Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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