I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
