I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
