so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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