after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
