You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
