Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
