haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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