It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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