Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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