Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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