Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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