You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
