i don't want you to think of me as your TA
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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