I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
