I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
