I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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