The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
