i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
