I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
