Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
