I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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