bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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