Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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