hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
