is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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