Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's shark week go big or go home
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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