I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
