careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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