i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
