Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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