So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
