Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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