I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
