i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
