I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
