Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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