I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
