You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
