I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
