I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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