God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
