in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
