Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
