I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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